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Despite one pervasive misconception that transgender people transition for the approval or acceptance of future sexual partners, when I transitioned there was nothing about the forthcoming experience that assured me I would be seen as desirable. But when you’re trans, it’s hard in a completely different way.

It wasn’t that he necessarily made me feel threatened, but I knew the statistics. No matter how beautiful, intelligent, or successful, we are the ones who have to settle for being nothing more than receptacles for men’s desires and insecurities. “I’m a transgender woman.” I emphasized the woman part.

After a number of dates and situations not too unlike the interaction with the MMA fighter, I had to take a serious look at the risk involved with not disclosing my trans status.

I found early disclosure necessary because we live in a world where trans panic is still justification for devaluing and even harming trans women.

Still other times, the response — particularly from cis men — has been overwhelmingly negative: “If I had known, I never would have wasted my time” or “How could you think I’d be interested in that?

” or the misguided “I’m not gay.”These misconceptions don’t just negatively affect the trans women involved.

Trans women continue to be misgendered and misrepresented as “men in dresses” — so when men love us, there is a concern for their (potentially) complicated sexual identity.

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66 Comments

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  2. eric   •  

    The invitation-only app (which has yet to launch, but which is coming soon to i OS and Android and has already attracted tons of press) initially works like Tinder: Upload a photo, designate which gender(s) you’re interested in and then start choosing fellow users who tickle your fancy.

  3. eric   •  

    Umm Ali is the Egyptian version of bread pudding made with puff pastry and is often topped with whipped cream.

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