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"Instead, it is complex and uses a number of inputs, including our members' personalities, their academic and professional backgrounds, and personal search criteria to deliver matches."My next message via Elite came from an overweight plumber snapped in a black rugby singlet while sipping a pina colada. Recently I met a female friend (40-something, smart, gorgeous, single) and the man drought came up.

She said she'd given up, hadn't been on a date for some time.

CHECK YOUR CHECKLISTIt's important to learn to be a bit flexible with your checklist. Just because someone hasn't gone off to university, doesn't mean they're not intelligent.

Sometimes we create barriers and make assumptions without looking beyond certain facts.

Mr AB brings me flowers and I am glowing with excitement. I wouldn't say that women are more fussy – more that they are discriminating, and why shouldn't they be?

However, rather than issues of wealth or education, it is probably wise to be discriminating about things that matter most to you on a heart level.

Aside from the fact they must live locally and be emotionally available, I have other deal breakers. I'd like a man with a tertiary education, or at least a curious mind.

I'd like someone with kids, or one who is happy to be around mine.

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Meanwhile, my doctor tells me that she is worried her 30-something daughter will never settle down. An ex-pat, he was smart and curious, creative, and clever.

BE KINDI find that single men are often far more vulnerable to feeling they are being judged than women are.

They can also feel quite threatened by smart women who have achieved a lot.

But in this shallow pool in which I swim, hooking that man is like asking for a free trip to the moon in Richard Branson's Virgin Galatica space shuttle. A month after screaming "I give up", I met an AB through a friend of a friend.

He's smart, kind, funny, active, successful and he brings a sense of familiarity, he's not from an alien world. Jill Goldson, counsellor and family mediator, sees plenty of women who find it hard to find the right partner. Photograph: Supplied"I see a lot of people, particularly women, who are struggling to meet someone special. When women are in their 30s and 40s, busy raising children and with their careers, they often don't have time to survey the men out there.And some are so afraid of being hurt or damaged again, they'll keep a new woman at arm's length.

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