Dealing with parents dating after death

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It could be that you've been protective of your parent and are uncomfortable with someone else taking over your role.Or, the new person may be taking the place of a much-loved deceased parent.One might ex­pect adult children to be thrilled when their parents find happiness in remarriage or have someone special in their lives after a divorce or the death of a spouse.But it's seldom that simple and the changes in your relationship with your parent can be unnerving.Your parent has a new partner..you are not convinced that this is the right person for your Mom or Dad.Chances are that one or both of your parents will be with another person at some point in your life.You might see him or her as competition for your parent's time or you may have difficulty understanding the attraction or thinking about your parent as a sexually active person.If you are unhappy about your parent's new love interest, your par­ent will probably be torn between wanting to please you and want­ing to move on with his or her life.

When You Question a Parent's Choice If you have not warmed up to your parent's new arrangement or if it's creating friction, your first step should be to figure out why you feel the way you do.

Look past the new person's shortcom­ings and focus on his or her good points.

If cordiality is the best you can manage, accept that. I can make alterations that will reflect my maturity and desire to maintain a supportive connec­tion." Being gracious takes less time and psychic energy, and you may grow to like, even love, your parent's new partner or spouse.

These situations become toxic for the children and the parent, if the new partner is not independent and wants to become a new dependent and starts competing with the children for access to resources - it's a real strain that puts the breadwinning parent in the middle of endless power struggles...

where the children are asked to adjust to a new reality and make do with less for college, or what have you, while the new partner loses all self respect draining valuable funds away from investing in the children's future because the new partner isn't invested in being financially independent as much as possible.

My 76 year old father is in a new "head over heels" relationship with a younger woman (61).

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