And the fact that I was missing most of my right breast, not to mention my hair, made me feel inadequate, especially when I was surrounded by all the beautiful women in L. If you want to be friends, fine, but as far as anything else, I'm not feeling it."TAKING A RISK WITH A NEW MAN After about a year of celibacy, I met someone—I'll call him Steve—when I was out with my friends one night.By that time, I didn't look sickly, and I hadn't had a recurrence.Even though I had no hair, I was bone-skinny and chemo toxins were oozing out of my pores, he still made me feel sexy and loved. We even had spontaneous sex in the hospital one time when I was getting into one of those gowns that open up in the back—we couldn't help but take advantage!
But before I could stop him, Steve ran the bath for me, lit candles and got in.
A GRUELING COURSE OF TREATMENT Within three weeks of that diagnosis, doctors inserted a port into my arm (a big, round metal thing that makes it easier to stick the needles in) and I started chemo, with all the nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, body cramps and other symptoms.